Growing up is not growing old

It’s been a while since my last post, and it’s about due time to get many unorganized thoughts, hopes, and dreams out of my head and into the universe.

I’ve spent the last 3 years since I graduated college working diligently, carefully, and very hard to become something that I spent most of my college career trying to achieve; a career in Addiction Treatment Counseling. 

I find myself 3 years later likening my experience as a counselor to a scene in a movie near and dear to my heart, 500 DaysTom (Joseph Gordon Levit) is invited to his hopeless love Summer’s (Zoey Daschannel) apartment for a party. The scene is split into two versions, “expectation” and “reality” where he imagines himself reconnecting with Summer and finding the love that he had always wanted with her. He is distraught after learning Summer has become engaged, and goes home; only to rekindle his passion for architecture and later find himself for what he truly is.

Addiction Treatment Counseling has become much the same for me. I have a love and passion for it, helping those in need, and the reward in doing so. However myself and the field are two things that are currently not meant to be. Instead of finding fire and fervor for something that I care deeply about, I find anxiety and disappointment around every bend.

As I walk up the preverbal stairs and enter Summer’s apartment, I have found my expectation to be far off from where the reality of this profession lies. Being a youngster in the field, one must adhere to many expectations that are not congruent with a twenty-something’s lifestyle, wants, or needs. At some point, I must have realized all of the stress that comes along with being a person whom directly influences the lives of others is something that I am not able to project with an honest and truly faithful heart at this time.

A career that helps people learn about themselves and become the best they can be to their families, employers, and most importantly themselves has taught me to do just that. I cannot pursue something that makes me feel as if I have sold my youth, social life, and countless other activities for a job in which I cannot completely subscribe to.

With this being said, it truly saddens me to leave a profession in which I’ve worked so hard to attain, but one must bow out when it no longer feels right and find another path to the fulfillment I am looking for in a career. Inevitably, I will return to the field. But with a few more years of life, experience, and a much straighter head on my shoulders. 

Looking back on my experiences in the field have given me a true appreciation for what I have learned there, but more importantly what truly matters to me: music, writing, friends, and family. Having the energy (and free time) to focus on what I have realized are much more worth the focus has already given me much of the fulfillment that I had been seeking through my work. I have found my Autumn, and it is my twenties. 

Comparisons

When looking at another’s life, we often sidestep the bad and look only at the good. It’s easy to look into someone else’s life and envy what they have, what they do, and even who they are.

What’s not easy is appreciating what we as ourselves have. Maybe our relationship doesn’t seem as “good” as our best friends’ and maybe our job doesn’t pay as well as either; but the fact is that we are not all the same and value vastly different aspects of our lives. While some may be content being with another person, others may value solitude.

The reality is that comparing significant attributes of our lives to others does not bring value to our own. Do what you feel is right, and if it does not feel right; change it. The outcome in the immediate future may not be perfect, but what is?

We can’t all have a perfect relationship like our friends, and we can’t all have amazing jobs, but if we do not act on these needs to grow and change the comparisons will never hold any weight.

Think deeply and honestly about where you’d like to be in your life. Is significant and drastic change necessary? Or is it a bandage for a deeper wound?

We must be ourselves and nothing more.

The Science of Letting Go

When we lose a loved one in any venue it is incredibly difficult. Death, lost friendships or lost lovers often go through the same grieving process.

Denial/Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance 

What to remember, is that it is a process and these stages are not linear. We don’t wake up one day and are automatically back to ourselves. 

We stake our grounds and try to make our lives work for ourselves, and that’s all we can do. Take your time and own your feelings. It’s okay to be sad and it’s okay to be angry. Pretending nothing is wrong hurts others who are trying to help and it makes our situation worse in the end.

Be yourself, and that’s all anyone can ask. It’s not easy, but it will get better.

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Great morning at Eagle Rock.

Want and Work

We all want instant gratification. We want to be happy, we want to be healthy, we want love, and we want perfection.

When we don’t have these things it’s hard to see others thriving within them, but it is important to realize that while we may want, it’s how we go about wanting that brings us closer to our ideal lifestyle.

When you go for a run, you’re not instantly a marathoner, when you enter a relationship you are not automatically the perfect mate. 

We must strive and work towards our ultimate ideal. There are bumps, peaks, valleys, and blackholes. What we learn makes us stronger for our next experience and gets us closer to that “want” that we so desperately need.

Hand in Hand

“If we love something, we must let it be free." 

It’s a simple notion, but difficult to execute. Love and loss are not things to be taken lightly, but if we grasp too hard, things get messy and slip through our fingers; never to be seen again in the same way we once knew them.

The want and need for love and validation is a basic human function, but it must be held on to with a forgiving hand.

The Power of Experienced Conversation

In our youth, we are condemned to the cyclical and sometimes demeaning jobs of Retail, customer service, and restaurant positions. 

-Cyclical because in order to gain experience, we need experience. It’s easy to continue getting jobs well inside our comfort zone.

-Demeaning because well, if you’ve ever worked in the service industry it’s pretty self explanatory. Our jobs are to please customers at almost any cost.

It seems like we are stuck or never going to make it out, but reflect on the experience that one gains from dealing with the direct public. These are “Real” people. That is, people that are off work, being themselves. They are good, they are less than good; and sometimes just flat out mean.

It’s in these situations that we learn to speak tactfully, courteously, empathetically, and most importantly: with purpose. There is not a better way to learn to navigate through life than working in the service industry. 

The power of experienced conversation is one that will never go away. It is so important to be able to convey what one is thinking, feeling, and the point trying to be made. With the procedures and conduct that we must abide by when working a job, it’s hard to get around learning how to speak mindfully with another.

“Man, ____ was so lame.”

Insert clever tag line here. 

A night out with our friends, seeing our favorite bands; WORK. How it all turns out is only our perception of the day. It’s also often times what we think others would like to hear.

It’s incredibly easy to get caught up in negativity. We choose how we make our lives out to be, so therefore if we’d like it to be awesome we can make it awesome. Strive for a positive change if you are unhappy, and strive for growth. We can’t become happy by lateral movement, taking what we can get and removing ourselves from the real issues. Face them head on.

Focusing on the past, the negatives, and the unwanted only perpetuates these things.

If a change is needed, take a risk and fulfill that need. If it doesn’t work; at least we can’t say we didn’t try.

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That’ll do. Plus I found a plum! (at Blind Onion Pizza & Pub)

When you say “Jump” I say “How High?”

The ebb and flow, the give and take, the willingness to change. Most of us strive for stability. Meaning a good job, a functional relationship, and a warm (or cool) place to call home at night.

However these basic human needs, for the most part, don’t automatically happen to us. We have to work for the them. In most cases, we can’t have the perfect job or home without working for it, or the perfect relationship without a clear line of communication. Or at least the drive to accomplish these things.

When someone would like you to do something, go for the gold medal. Go for their idea of the gold medal. Our perceptions of what are right and wrong can be skewed by our pasts. Strive to learn from another’s view and we can in fact learn a lot about ourselves. Getting out of that comfort zone can be the best thing to when our lives become stagnant.